You Only Live Once
by Sengen
Summary: When I realized that I had been reborn - reborn into a world that I didn't even recognize - my first thought had been: Why? Afterwards, when I realized that I had been reborn into the fictional world of Naruto, my next thought had been: How can I avoid getting involved in the original plot? OC / Self-insert
1. The Beginning of a Story

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor am I profiting in the making of this story.

 **Plot:** After Urara realizes that she had been reborn into the world of Naruto, she is determined not to do anything that would influence the events of the original story. However, after meeting and befriending Uchiha Shisui at the academy, Urara finds it becoming harder and harder to distance herself when the kind-hearted boy manages to weasel his way into her heart. With the knowledge of his eventual death, she is forced to choose between letting fate run its course or taking matters into her own hands – consequences be damned.

* * *

｢ Chapter One : The Beginning of a Story

 _All endings are also beginnings.  
We just don't know it at the time._

\- Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven ｣

* * *

My name is Yamazaki Urara. Or at least now it is.

I know that probably sounds a bit … strange _(especially coming from the body of a newborn)_ , but that's the truth. You see, before I was _me_ – as in Yamazaki Urara – I was a different person entirely. I had a different name, a different face, a different family, but most importantly I lived in a different world.

And in _that_ world, the one I'm now alive in was merely a place from a fictional story.

Shocking, I know. But to be completely honest, that life-shattering discovery paled in comparison to what I realized when I first opened my eyes.

I had been reborn in all sense of the word. It took me a long moment to notice this, however. Especially with **giants** looming over me, poking and probing and rubbing and squeezing me until my throat burned from the intensity of my horrified wailing.

It wasn't until they laid me down on a cold metallic surface – masked faces mumbling to each other in a language both strangely familiar yet obviously foreign – that I calmed down enough to notice that they weren't giants; I was just **tiny**.

Cue me realizing that I was in the body of a newborn.

Before I could fall into yet another state of unadulterated panic, a strange feeling caused my next cry to catch in my throat. Something both warm and terribly intrusive seeped down through my skin and deep into my body. It circulated through me - touching and examining everything from my lungs to the blood running through my veins. It was then, as I followed the presence around with my mind, that I felt something in my body that wasn't supposed to be there.

It felt like … I don't know, _magic_ was the only word my brain could supply me with – it felt both intimately a part of me and totally alien. Was I in a world were magic ran wild? _No,_ a voice in my head told me, this was something entirely different. Attempting to block out the intruding presence, I reached inside me for this alien thing – curious as well as wary. It stirred and opened up.

Suddenly I knew that whatever it was, magic or some other bizarre phenomenon, it was as much a part of me as I was it. It branched throughout my body like veins; running from the top of my head and down into each individual toe. It was all of me all at once - and I knew instinctively that because it was alive, I was alive too.

 _What is this_? My past self had never felt anything like it, and to be honest I was a bit perplexed I hadn't noticed it instantly.

The doctor turned his head to speak with someone behind him, and it was then that I noticed his hands. They hovered a few inches above my exposed stomach with a pale green light surrounding them. Whatever that light was, it only took me a moment more to realize that it was the source of the intrusive presence.

 _It reminds me of the healing jutsu from Naruto._ And with that thought, something clicked into place in my mind. The alien thing inside me wasn't magic - it was **Chakra**.

Cue me realizing I was no longer on Earth, but on whatever planet Naruto existed in.

•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•

I don't really remember what happened after that. A man and a woman who I assumed to be my new parents took me home sometime later; and although I wanted to feel indifferent toward them, I couldn't stop myself from caving under their tender nurturing. They were my family now, all things considered - even though thinking about them in that way made me feel strangely bitter, like I was betraying my previous family in some way.

There wasn't much I could do about it, though; because before I even realized what was happening, I had already fallen completely in love with them. Attributing this development to a newborn's instinct of parental imprinting made me feel somewhat better, even though I knew that wasn't the entire truth.

The first few months of my life were a haze of indistinguishable days meshing together. Between sleeping, eating, and trying to potty train myself, there was little time for me to ponder my new existence.

It was only when my body became strong enough to stay awake for extended periods of time that I realized - with a startling clarity - that I had taken those first few months for granted. Having the time to _think_ was torture, especially when I had little to no control over my own body.

 _I'm in Konoha, but **when** am I? _ It hadn't taken me long to notice where I'd been born, especially after I caught sight of my parent's headbands. The leaf inscribed on the metal plating had simultaneously brought me relief and distress. Relief because, for the first time since my rebirth, it felt like I was finally finding solid ground; and distress because I had no idea where in the timeline I had popped up in.

I had read enough fanfiction in my previous life to know that _'when'_ was a particularly important aspect – although now that I thought about it that way, I suddenly felt like my circumstances were remarkably cliché. Come on, reincarnation in the Naruto world?

I would be lying if I said that I never daydreamed about this happening. A girl _(most of the time myself)_ reborn into said series, taking the plot into her own hands and twisting it in the way she thinks is best, falling in love with her favorite character, before finally giving everyone the happy ending they deserved. It had seemed so easy in my head, but I had a feeling that reality wouldn't be so accommodating.

By nine months I had full control over my bowels, had the muscle strength to both pull myself up and crawl around, and was just beginning to experiment with walking. The former being something I was extremely excited to master. I had also learned that the strangely familiar yet foreign language my parents spoke was Japanese.

Like most people who were into anime and the like, I knew a few phrases in the language – but in no way did I know how to _speak_ it. In all honesty, I wasn't even sure how I understood it as well as I did **now**. Clearly, reading was still beyond me _(believe me I tried; everything just looked like complicated lines and boxes)_ ; so I was understandably surprised when I noticed that the more my parents spoke to me, the easier it was to understand them. This realization was a bit much for my already overworked brain to figure out, so I simply attributed it to an infant's innate ability to learn languages.

"Urara-chan."

My hand halted in its attempt at tugging a book, nearly as big as me, from off the lowest level of a bookshelf – leaving me feeling a bit sheepish at having been caught. A moment later I felt someone scoop me into their arms, laughing in exasperation near my ear.

"Otou-san will get angry if you ruin his books. Come on; let's go find your toys." Kaa-chan smiled patiently at me as she turned to move out of the study, pausing in front of a mirror to fix a patch of hair that was standing on end. I was about to respond to her in the baby talk my vocal cords produced _(they weren't quite developed enough to form actual words yet)_ , when I stilled abruptly after catching my reflection.

This was probably the first time I had seen myself in this body. Even though I wasn't even a year old yet, I held a striking resemblance to my mother. We shared the same wavy, pale blonde hair, pale skin, and a nose that was slightly upturned. My eyes, however, must have been inherited from my father. While my mothers were a charming hazel, mine were a bright aqua color – my dad's being a darker blue in contrast.

To say it left me feeling a bit disconnected was an understatement. Looking at myself, I knew it was _me_ ; but at the same time, I felt like I was staring into a stranger's eyes. My mother, seeming to sense my mood change, cast me concerned glance before moving into the combined living/dining room.

"Alright, down we go!" Placing me on the tatami covered floor, she quickly gathered my once forgotten toys and shifted them closer to me. I eyed them wearily, still feeling a bit out of sorts and only slightly offended that she was trying to make a twenty-something year old play with stuffed animals and building blocks.

"Okaa-san has to go make dinner now. So be a good girl and stay here, okay?" Dropping a quick kiss on top of my head, she ambled away - the only thing standing between us now being the small island counter separating the kitchen from the rest of the room.

I stayed relatively quiet after that, lost in my own thoughts as I vaguely listened to kaa-chan humming nearby. I didn't even bother trying to explore my chakra channels through meditation, an activity I had recently gotten into if only to spare myself the humiliation of entertaining myself with toddler toys.

 _This is real_.

I suddenly felt like everything was forcefully put into perspective. Of course I knew that I wasn't the me from before, I knew that I was years younger than I was supposed to be, that I had a new family and a new name and a new life. But strangely enough, it took me actually seeing my new face to cement that reality.

My vision suddenly turned blurry as tears began to flow down my face unbidden. A swell of emotion, so overwhelming I was surprised I wasn't drowning in it, caused a choked sob to rip from my throat. Before I could even attempt to compose myself I was already wailing – the sound heart-wrenching even to me.

I was vaguely aware of the clatter of something falling in the kitchen, or the feeling of being lifted into someone's arms. Memories from an impossibly distant past pressed against my mind, suffocating me in their intensity as I clung desperately to the person rocking me.

There I was as a child. My curly brunette hair bounced around me as I chased my father across the yard, with a barking dog bounding playfully after us. The sky that day was _so_ blue, and as my father scooped me up in his arms he laughed and told me I had stolen a piece of the sky and used it to color my eyes.

Then I was a teenager, sneaking out of a window and creeping across the yard to where an old car sat idle at the end of the driveway. I slipped into the passenger's seat and leaned over to kiss a boy who was grinning as mischievously as I was. I remember myself thinking about how beautiful his green eyes were as the light from the radio caused them to shine dimly in the night.

I blinked and there I was fully grown, the boy from the car now a handsome young man at my side. He kissed my temple as we made our way into a restaurant where my parents were waiting to meet us. We ate a peaceful meal together, and just as we were about to leave he got down on one knee and held up a box containing a diamond ring. I cried and threw my arms around him happily.

I was in a wedding gown, face covered by a thin veil as I walked past my friends and family down the aisle. They could have all been ghosts at that moment, for all I could see were those beautiful green eyes that seemed to shine with utter happiness. Vows were exchanged and with a kiss the room erupted into cheers. I glanced over at the pew where my father sat, and my chest swelled with emotion as I silently watched him cry tears of joy for me.

We were in a hospital room, and I was exhausted but so very happy. My husband grinned so wide it nearly covered his entire face, and I watched with tears in my eyes as he rocked a bundle of blankets in his arms. When he passed the bundle over, I looked down and cried at the beautiful baby cradled to my chest. His eyes were a beautiful green just like his father's.

I was in the car driving home from the grocery store, rubbing my protruding belly fondly as I waited for the light to turn green. It was my son's second birthday, and I was excited to return home and show off the dinosaur cake I had ordered for him. I felt a kick against my stomach as the light turned, and I patted the area gently as I let my foot rest on the gas pedal. There was a sound of screeching tires and the shrill bark of a horn, but before I could slam my foot onto the brakes a truck slammed into me.

And then there was an eternity of darkness.

Of all the Naruto rebirth fanfiction I had read, the protagonist was always distant to their new family – or if not distant, then at least didn't go out of their way to form a bond with them. That was a bit understandable, I guess; some people were less accepting than others. But the thing that most writers failed to mention, something I hadn't even given much thought to, was the protagonist's feeling of utter **loss**.

They had overshadowed that fact by making the protagonist focus on a certain ambition – to save the characters from the story they remembered; to training themselves to become great ninja. The character didn't have time to reflect on the life that had been taken away from them; or if they did, they downplayed the emotional impact drastically.

I had had a family - a husband and a child and an unborn baby that had _died_ with me. It had died before it even had the chance to **live**. For a moment I cursed my current existence; why had I gotten a second chance when that child hadn't even gotten a first? I was momentarily stricken by the utter disgust I felt being in this body.

I wished, not for the first time, that I was as strong as those fanfiction protagonists who seemed to find their footing in this new world so easily. I envied that reality wasn't like that.

"Urara-chan! Urara-chan, what's the matter?" Kaa-chan's presence soothed me if only a bit, and even though I felt like I was being swallowed up by my despair, I couldn't stop the pang of regret at causing her to sound so panicked. I was a mother once too after all; there's nothing worse than not knowing what was ailing your child.

 _I have to get it together, if only for her sake._

Although the thought seemed easy enough, I couldn't bring myself to actually do it as I continued to sob into her shoulder. Her fingers, now trembling, ran through my hair in an effort to calm me, and her lips murmured silent words of comfort into my ear. She continued her ministrations for a while longer, rocking slowly on her feet even as my tears continued to fall.

"I'm home-"

"Toshi! Please help me; I don't know what's wrong!" Kaa-chan's voice trembled as if she were on the verge of tears herself, making me feel even worse as she hurried to where tou-chan stood by the door.

"She just started crying and now she won't stop!"

I heard him say something to her before I was gently handed over. Tou-chan's large hands held me tightly, and I buried my face against his shoulder as he made his way to the couch and took a seat.

"There, there. It's alright. Everything's okay." His words were soft if not a bit firm, and I noticed kaa-chan from the corner of my eye hovering nervously beside us. Like kaa-chan had done, he ran his fingers through my hair – the callouses on them making his fingers feel rough against my scalp. The gesture reminded me so much of my previous father that I broke down into yet another inconsolable fit.

"You'll make okaa-san worried if you keep crying like this."

I never did stop crying after that, even though he and kaa-chan both continued whispering comforting nonsense to me. At one point I even heard her question tou-chan about whether they should go to the hospital. Thankfully he managed to dissuade her from that idea, even though his voice had taken on a somewhat worried tone at my continued outburst.

Eventually I managed to fall asleep still wrapped tightly in tou-chan's arms, which I'm sure must have been a welcomed relief to my worried parents.

The next few days I dreamt about the family I had left behind. About my father, crying over the graves of his only child and late wife. About the two-year-old boy with eyes like his dad, who would grow up in a harsh world without his mother. About the unborn child that had been forced to give up on life before getting the chance to experience it. And about haunted green eyes that looked so heartbroken my own heart shattered at the sight.

On and on, these images relentlessly plagued my dreams; and just when I was beginning to think that I would go mad from the constant anguish, out from the darkness of nightmares a light flickered on.

I saw the eyes of my _new_ father; so bright and blue and full of pride as he gazed down at me. I felt the warm arms of my new mother wrapped around me, as she swung me around and sang to me in that sweet, sweet voice of hers – her eyes full of nothing but unconditional love.

I had lost a part of myself I knew I'd never get back. It was a tragedy, without a doubt. But in losing that piece of myself, I found something else in that dark loneliness that I hadn't fully realized was there.

 _Another family._

I didn't want to get involved with this world, or to save it from its tragic fate. I didn't want to be a cliché character that went around trying to save everyone she knew would die, even if I still wasn't sure where I was in this world's timeline. I didn't even want to be a **ninja** , even though I had momentarily entertained the idea.

There was, however, one thing I _did_ want – and that was to be a family with those two wonderful people who had given me my second life. It was the least I could do for them, as their only child. Even if the coming days are especially difficult, and I feel like I will drown in my sorrow, I will live in the only way I know how.

 _One day at a time._

* * *

 **A/N:** Hello everyone! Here marks the start of yet another S/I story. I know, an over-used cliché - but one I absolutely love reading about. I love it so much that here I am, making one of my own! I wasn't sure how to write this introductory first chapter without doing the same thing everyone else does, so I kind of just winged it. Sadly, it still has a lot of over used S/I first chapter things.

But what can you do?

Anyway, I'll try to get a chapter up every week - or if not bi-weekly. That isn't a strict schedule so some may come out quicker than others, but right now I'm still in the planning process of this story. I have a general idea which direction I want it to go in, but nothing concrete yet.

Anyway, I hope you liked it! And if you didn't, sorry for wasting your time I suppose. Happy reading!


	2. The First Step

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor am I profiting in the making of this story.

A/N at the end of the chapter.

* * *

｢ Chapter Two : The First Step

 _The indispensable first step to getting what  
you want out of life is this: decide what you want._

\- Ben Stein ｣

* * *

In the two years following my sudden breakdown – in which I was forced to accept my new reality – I learned a couple things.

The first was that, regardless of my abrupt decision of living a shinobi-free life, when your parents were shinobi then it was just assumed that their child would follow in their footsteps. And when I say ' _assumed_ ', I really mean ' _not given a choice_ '. I had barely begun to walk when they, by some unseen signal, decided it was time to start my training.

Now, the training wasn't anything drastic like learning taijutsu, or ninjutsu, or how to survive in the wilderness with only the clothes on your back and a kunai. In fact, the transition was so subtle that it took me nearly a year after my first birthday to notice that something wasn't quite right.

After my … episode that night, my parents became a bit wary – especially when they couldn't figure out what had caused the sudden fit. I understood their concerns – really, I did – and so like the guilt-ridden daughter that I was, I humored their overbearing tendencies. Even when those tendencies had me woken early in the morning to do light stretches with kaa-chan, playing hand games for hours on end with tou-chan, or when they read me somewhat violent children's stories that I didn't think were quite child-appropriate.

Initially I didn't find anything out of the ordinary about it _(the children's books_ _ **not**_ _included)_ ; although now that I know what they were doing, it should have been blindingly obvious. The stretches to improve my flexibility, the hand games to build finger dexterity, and the stories to start the desensitization process. What had ultimately tipped me off to their cunning schemes, however, was when tou-chan came home one day saying he had thought of a new game to play.

I was sitting on a worn green zabuton _(those cushions you always see anime people sitting on at low tables; I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered they're much more comfortable than they look)_ , my elbows planted on top of the kotatsu and my pudgy baby face perched on my palms. Kaa-chan had left me to my own devices in favor of starting dinner, and I wholeheartedly welcomed the time I had to myself.

Laid open before me was one of those picture books with only a sentence or two on each page. At my persistent insistence, they had slowly begun to teach me how to read; which, of course, meant that I was forced to learn the character's that made up the language. In a month's time, I had a shaky grasp on hiragana and katakana – and, to practice, had taken to reading books that only used those two forms to my parents. Kanji was a scary monster I hadn't even attempted to conquer yet, and I was ashamed to admit that I was purposely putting off the inevitable.

"The shinobi run to-"

"The shinobi **ran**." Kaa-san gently corrected, even though she was in the kitchen halfway across the room. The poor woman must have memorized the entire book with how many times we read it.

I scrunched my nose as I studied the sentence again.

"The shinobi ran to the village."

"Yes! Good job, Urara-chan. You're learning so well." Although that comment might have been insulting to a twenty-something-year-old reading a _children's book,_ I took it for the compliment it was intended to be and beamed at kaa-chan's back.

Basking in the pleased feeling that had sprung up in my chest, I turned back to my book and continued to read aloud – stumbling through the sentences with more difficulty than I cared to admit. It wasn't until I heard the door open and tou-chan call out a tired greeting that I allowed myself a break.

"Tou-chan! Welcome home!" Darting across the room and out into the hall, tou-chan had barely finished kicking off his shoes before I barreled headfirst into his legs. He 'oomph'ed and awkwardly pat my head, trying and failing to sidle further into the house with me all but clinging to him.

He must have eventually concluded that it would be easier to pick me up instead of dragging me around, and with a quickness only a shinobi could pull off, I was flung playfully over his shoulder before I even realized I was off the ground.

"Who do you think you are? Assaulting me before I even get into the house. What a miscreant of a daughter I have."

"I'm not a miscreant!" Came my indignant counter in between peals of laughter, which he chose to answer with an exasperated shake of his head.

"Really now? Then what, exactly, are you?"

I stilled my flailing long enough to answer.

"I'm a marauder!" Although I couldn't see his face, I could imagine the amused – if not curious – quirk of his brow. It was an expression that he seemed to be giving me more of lately.

"Oh? Do you even know what that word means?" Stepping into the living room, I squirmed impatiently against his hold as he greeted kaa-chan before dropping me on the couch placed parallel to the kotatsu. I blew up my cheeks in a pout, wiggled off the couch, and returned to my still warm zabuton.

"Of course I do." Images of the Marauder's from Harry Potter flitted across my mind's eye. In my past life it had been one of my favorite stories – Sirius Black being one of the millions of fictional characters I secretly fancied. "I knew what ' _miscreant_ ' meant, didn't I?"

Tou-chan huffed. "That remains to be seen."

I made a face at him that I suspect, with my too rounded cheeks, looked more cute than peeved if his quiet chuckle and taunting smirk were any indication.

"Where did you learn that word anyway?" He had taken to sitting on the end of the couch closest to me - elbow propped on the arm rest and chin resting on top of curled fingers. The question was so sudden that it caught me off-guard, and I was left blinking up at him in blatant confusion.

"It was a word from the book we read together two days ago." I clarified, thinking it the most obvious thing in the world. From the incredulous look that answer got me, I could tell that it was only obvious to me.

"You can remember big words like ' _marauder_ ' from stories we read days ago, yet have a hard time remembering your hiragana and katakana?"

At his accusation, I couldn't help but feel slightly insulted.

"Tou-chan, remembering words and learning how to read are completely different!"

We lapsed into silence after that as he regarded me, face an unreadable mask, before he abruptly stood up and stalked out of the room. It was a bit strange, but I just assumed he wanted to wash up for dinner and didn't think much of it.

Kaa-chan began setting the table a while later, calling me over to get seated when she placed the last dish down. Tou-chan ambled in only moments after and took the seat diagonal to me – fresh out of the shower and adorned in the casual clothes he only wore at home. Since only a little more than half of my teeth had come in _(which was a_ _ **pain**_ _– both metaphorically and physically)_ I was still on a soft food diet that didn't require much chewing. I wasn't complaining though; soft foods were _a hundred_ times better than that baby food I had to stomach when I had **no** teeth.

Dinner was a mostly silent affair. Kaa-chan and Tou-chan spoke quietly to each other about the happenings of their day, but didn't broach any topics I wanted to hear about. Which were, of course, the current affairs of the world. Over time I had deduced from hushed talks between them that I was born in the midst of a war; which one, however, I still wasn't sure.

"Urara." Tou-chan spoke suddenly, startling me out of my thoughts. We had just finished dinner, Kaa-chan scurrying around us to clean up the dishes, when he addressed me in a tone that was both hard and curious. It left me feeling a bit uneasy, but I swallowed down the sudden lump in my throat and turned my eyes to him.

We considered each other for a long moment before he continued.

"Let's play a game."

For the second time that night, tou-chan caught me off-guard. _What in the world?_

"What kind of game?" Tilting my head slightly, I suddenly felt wary. He seemed to notice, and with only a moment's hesitation flashed me a roguish grin.

"The marauding kind, of course." He appeared pleased at my perplexed look as he began to explain the rules.

They were simple. In theory, anyway. He would hide little bits of candy _(or small toys)_ around the house, and I would have to find them. The catch was, I couldn't make any noise lest I get caught pillaging the hidden treasure. At first that rule confused me - at least until he casually hinted that I should try to imitate the way he and kaa-chan walked.

"How you walk?"

He didn't answer verbally, and instead jerked his chin toward the kitchen were kaa-chan busied herself cleaning up – a dark twinkle in his eyes. Brows furrowing in concentration, it took me a while before I noticed what he'd been implying.

Her footsteps were near silent.

I wonder why it never registered with me before now. Despite spending all my time with them, I hadn't even noticed that the only one who made a ruckus when they moved was _me_. Something cold and unpleasant settled in my stomach when things I had disregarded as simple quirks caused alarm bells to go off in my head – and suddenly I found I had to reevaluate _everything_.

 _What did I expect?_ Turning away from the kitchen, I could do nothing more than stare somberly at the table. If tou-chan noticed my abrupt shift in mood, he didn't comment on it – and instead remained silent as I slowly sorted myself out.

 _It was so easy to forget that they're_ _ **actual**_ _shinobi._ I pursed my lips and reconsidered that thought. _No, I just_ _ **wanted**_ _to forget that they were shinobi. I've been too naïve._

After that, I became apprehensive towards the things that had at first appeared harmless. I even went as far as to blatantly refuse to participate in some games they tried to get me to play; especially the ones I suspected hide ulterior motives.

My stubborn streak didn't last long, however; the disappointed glances exchanged between my parents caused me to feel as if I were wronging them in some way – even though I knew I was being ridiculous. Eventually I resigned myself to join them in their games, even if it was with a lot less enthusiasm than before.

I had been so confident in my resolve to not involve myself in the shinobi world, and was shocked when that resolve had fractured so easily. I _didn't_ want to become a shinobi; that kind of life wasn't one that I could see myself enjoying. But at the same time, I had willingly accepted these people as my family - willing accepted the role as their only child. Could I really refuse them this, when I was mostly certain that if their child hadn't been _me_ then that child would have wholeheartedly jumped into the life of a shinobi?

 _But this is_ _ **my**_ _life, no one else's!_ Some spiteful part of me argued. I quickly vanquished the thought; alarmed at the sharp hostility behind those words.

 _This isn't something I can do halfheartedly. I would have to commit myself completely to it. But …_

 _I don't know if I can._

•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•

The second thing I learned was that, no matter how good an actor you consider yourself to be, people will always find out when you're pretending to be something that you're not. In my case, that _something_ just happened to be a _(normal)_ newly turned two-year-old.

I wasn't vain enough to think I had put on a convincing performance. Heck, I hadn't even put on a **believable** performance! If my tendency of picking up on things no toddler should have been able to hadn't given me away, then it was without a doubt my speech that did. Even without other two-year-old's around to physically compare myself to _(the memory of my two-year-old son didn't count; especially since I actively tried to avoid thinking of him)_ , I knew without a doubt that most toddlers weren't holding long-lasting conversations with adult-like potency.

Not that I didn't try to keep up appearances. I hoped that by being overly affectionate toward my parents, it would ease the sting out of my obviously overdeveloped maturity; and I hoped that my baby lisp, caused by not having all my teeth yet, would undermine the level at which I spoke. While it may have been enough to somewhat placate kaa-chan, tou-chan was not one to be fooled so easy.

And on my second birthday, he brilliantly succeeded in exposing my bluff.

My birthday hadn't been a grand affair. Since I was still too young to throw a proper party for, kaa-chan had simply made a fancier dinner than normal with a strawberry-topped birthday cake for dessert. The meal was delicious, of course; and there were many laughs when I went to blow out my two candles, only to realize I didn't blow hard enough and they rekindled themselves seconds later.

Presents came afterwards. We migrated from the dinner table to the kotatsu; the heated table successfully dispelling the winter chill that seeped into the house. It had started to snow three days ago and hadn't stopped yet. I'd been thrilled when I first looked outside and noticed everything had transformed into a white wonderland, and wasted no time dragging my parents outside – _whenever they were free_ – to build snowmen or start playful snowball battles.

Kaa-chan was the first to give me a present. She placed a large box, as long as I was tall, on the tabletop and slid it in front of me expectantly. My eyes examined the large blue-green ribbon holding the box together with hardly contained excitement, before I tentatively pulled it loose and lifted the lid to expose what was inside.

"Ah!" What I found incited a pleased response from me. Lying on a bed of cream-colored tissue paper was a teddy bear nearly as big as I was – a charming bow, the same color as the ribbon, tied smartly around its neck. With a soft smile, I gently took it out of the box and clutched it tightly to my chest.

"Thank you, kaa-chan. I love it!" She beamed, passing me yet another present – this time much smaller than the first. Inside I found a set of toy shuriken – _I had to physically stop myself from wincing_ – complete with a waist pouch I could put them in to carry around with me. Although I knew she meant well, I couldn't help but feel peeved at the obvious intent behind the gift.

Afraid that she might pick up on my train of thought, I hastily thanked her and forced a bright smile on my face – hoping that it was believable.

"Alright, guess that just leaves me." I was thankful for the distraction, and eagerly turned my attention to tou-chan as he placed a large square box in front of me. Curiosity piqued, I quickly ripped into it. Inside the box was a wooden board that wasn't unlike a chess table, with a soft pouch resting on top. I recognized it instantly, but still asked tou-chan what it was to confirm.

"It's called Shogi." He answered, shifting so that he was sitting directly beside me. Pulling the Shogi board out of the box, he placed it between us before opening the pouch and dumping the pieces over top.

He glanced at me – blue eyes twinkling and lips twitching up into a challenging smirk.

"Want to give it a go?"

The way he asked left no room for argument; but even so I wasn't about to turn him down.

 _This is the game Shikamaru was always playing!_

"Toshi, are you sure?" Kaa-chan glanced between the both of us in a worried manner. "She's only two. I don't think she's ready for a strategy intense game like Shogi."

Turning his head in her direction, tou-chan flashed a charming smile. "Amami," he said evenly, "this is our daughter we're talking about. She should be able to do this much, at least."

"But-!"

"Besides," he was quick to cut off her next comment with a passive wave of his hand, "Shogi isn't so difficult. Even newborns could play it if they really wanted to."

What he said was grossly exaggerated, but I was too enthralled by their sudden bickering to point it out. From the deadpan expression on her face, I could tell that kaa-chan was less than convinced. She opened her mouth to retort, but swiftly bit back whatever words she wanted to say and gave a measured sigh instead. With a shake of her head, she mumbled out an excuse of going to make tea before stiffly retreating into the kitchen – leaving tou-chan and I to stare after her.

"Is kaa-chan okay?" I ventured to ask when the silence began to draw out. Tou-chan's head jerked in my direction as if just remembering I was there, and he blinked owlishly down at me for a moment before shaking his head.

"Of course she is. Why wouldn't she be?"

 _Because she had that look she gets when you do something she doesn't agree with._

The innocent tilt of his head didn't fool me, but I didn't press the issue.

"No reason. So, how do you play?" I knew it was a weak deflection, but tou-chan appeared to accept it with a tight-lipped smile. Leaning forward, he reach out a hand and placed it firmly on my head – ruffling my hair more roughly than was necessary.

"That a girl." I promptly batted his hand away with a pout, but was relieved to see he now looked more at ease than he had a moment ago. "Now then, listen closely, because I'm only going to tell you once."

With a nod, I listened intently as he began going over the rules while setting up the board. Unlike chess, which started out using only the first two rows, Shogi used the first three. The goal of the game was to use strategy to capture the opponent's king, just like Chess; but as I continued to listen to the rules, I knew that it was much more complex compared to the westernized version.

After each side was properly set, he began going over the pieces and what they could and could not do. He started with the first row where the pieces were placed in order of: Lance, Knight, Silver General, Gold General, King, Gold General, Silver General, Knight, Lance.

"The one in the middle is the _King_ : he can move one square in any direction, both diagonally and adjoining. On either side of the King are the _Gold General's_ : they can move one time on any adjoining square, or forward once diagonally – but they cannot go backwards diagonally. Beside them are the _Silver General's_ : they can move once on any parallel square, or once directly forward. Then it's the _Knight's_ : they are the only ones who can jump over other pieces. They can only go two spaces forward, and then once either left or right, so that they end up in a non-adjacent square from where they started. They cannot go backwards or to the side."

 _So the knight in Shogi is just like the knight in Chess, except it can only go in one direction. That should make it easy to remember._ Pleased with myself for noticing the similarity, I turned my attention to the last piece stationed on both ends of the row.

"Next, beside the Knights, are the _Lances_ : they can move directly forward as many times as you want them to, as long as the spaces are empty. They cannot go backwards or to the sides." He paused, giving me a moment to compile the information. "Understand everything so far?"

I gave him a confident nod. "The King has 8 possible destinations, the Gold Generals have 6, the Silver Generals have 5, the Knights have 2, and the Lances can go forward indefinitely as long as there's nothing in their way."

It was easier for me to remember their movement patterns if I knew exactly how many spaces they could potentially move to – a trick I picked up when learning chess in my past life. Something unreadable flashed through tou-chan's eyes, but then disappeared just as quickly. He gave me an approving smile before continuing.

"Just as I expected from my daughter – so quick on the uptake. Now, let's continue." He motioned to the second row, where only two pieces were in play: the bishop – placed in front of the left knight – and the rook – placed in front of the right knight.

"The one on your left is the _Bishop_ : he can move in any diagonal direction any number of times, as long there's nothing in the way. The one on your right is the _Rook_ : he can move in any adjoining direction – straight, right, left, backwards – any number of times, as long as there's nothing in the way."

 _So the bishop and the rook move in the same way as their Chess counterparts. Good._

Tou-chan then motioned to the third row, which was made up entirely of pawns.

"Lastly are the _Pawns_ : they can move only once straight forward. Any questions before I continue?" I silently shook my head. "Very well. If you want to promote a piece, you must first get it into one of the three furthest rows – which, for you, would be my starting zone."

"If you promote a Silver General, a Knight, a Lance, or a Pawn, their normal movements are replaced by that of the Gold General's. If you promote a Rook or a Bishop, they get to keep their original movements and also gain the movement of the King. However! They can only use one or the other each turn – not both. Kings and Gold General's cannot get promoted."

By the time he finished explaining everything, kaa-chan had already returned with three cups of tea and had settled herself on the couch behind me. The sound of fabric being shuffled around made me glance back at her, and I noticed she had moved the throw blanket from the back of the couch to rest across her legs. Noticing my staring, she spared me a strained smile before tou-chan forced my attention back to the matter at hand.

"Black goes first, so it'll be your responsibility to start the game when you're ready. Make sure to memorize the pieces and where they go, because next time you'll be in charge of setting up your own side." He leaned back on his hands, a slightly arrogant smirk playing across his face as he waited.

Perhaps if I had taken the time to consider what the intent behind this game actually was, I would have realized that it was illogical to give a two-year-old a game as complicated as Shogi. As it was, I was far to enticed by the challenge it presented to give the consequences serious thought. There were only so many baby games I could stand to play before I started to crave something far more mentally stimulating.

Besides, Shikamaru was always playing this game in the story. _The_ Shikamaru!

And, if I was being completely honest, it brought back memories of my life from before. My father had always been a Chess-nerd, claiming that it helped keep his mind sharp; and when I had been old enough to learn how to play, it became a bonding pastime for the two of us. For the past two years I had been desperately trying to push those painful memories to the far corner of my mind, but it was little things like this that caused them to resurface in perfect clarity.

Maybe it was because of this that I forced myself to take tou-chan's challenge seriously – lest I dishonor the precious memories of my past.

"Okay, I'm ready." Tou-chan gave me an encouraging nod, and I reach across the board to push a pawn forward. The game had begun.

The match lasted for a good forty-five minutes. In the end I lost horribly, but I don't remember the last time I had so much fun. I had made the mistake of playing offensively right at the start, and by the middle of the game tou-chan nearly had me completely cornered. I have a feeling that he went easy on me though, especially when I managed to push him back a bit towards the end, and because of that I realized something.

I was surprisingly competitive.

"I want a rematch!" Tou-chan blinked, surprised, at my forceful demand, before bursting into amused laughter.

"Careful, Urara. If you keep your face scrunched up like that you'll end up getting wrinkles." He playfully jabbed a finger between my eyebrows, successfully dispelling the tension building there. "But it's late, and kaa-san looks like she's about to fall asleep. We'll play again tomorrow."

I blew up my cheeks in a pout but didn't argue against his decision.

True to his word, we did play again the next night. As well as the night after that, and the one after that; until the time we used to spend relaxing together after dinner become our _Shogi time_. Kaa-chan always refused to play, however, even though I had begged her to the first few nights – and had become strangely sullen during our matches, which worried me greatly.

It wasn't until three weeks after my birthday that I learned what the true intention behind that game had been.

It was late, and a quick glance at the clock on my bed-stand let me know it was nearly 1:00 a.m. I had only been able to sleep for a few hours before my dreams turned dark and forced me back into consciousness; and for a long while, all I could bring myself to do was pant heavily and will my trembling to calm.

 _It was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream._

Those words repeated over and over again like a mantra, willing my mind to focus on the physical world around me. My heart hammered against my chest, feeling as if it would break through its cage of bone any moment and flee my body; and the blood rushing past my ears sounded deafening, even though I knew I was the only one who could hear it.

Eventually I calmed down enough to struggle against the damp sheets clinging to my small body, pushing them away with enough force to send them toppling to the floor. My hair was plastered to my cheeks and neck, making me feel both hot and uncomfortable, and with an unsteady hand I pushed the blonde locks behind me impatiently. I felt completely exhausted, but I didn't want to go back to sleep; so instead I slid off my bed in order to search for a glass of water.

The house was eerily quiet as I crept down the hallway in the direction of the kitchen, careful that I wouldn't accidentally wake my parents. That worry ended up being unfounded, however, as I stopped in front of the partially open door leading into the living area – warm light and hushed voices carrying out into the hall from within.

Something told me it would be best not to interrupt whatever late-night conversation my parents were having, and I wasn't sure whether I should just go back to my room or try to eavesdrop. After a moment of hesitation, I crept closer to the door as silently as I could and chanced a peek inside. I hoped that, at the very least, I could finally learn something that would help me figure out what war I had been born into.

Tou-chan sat at the dinner table nursing a cup of sake in one hand, a severe expression twisting his normally relaxed face. Kaa-chan sat beside him, a cup of tea clutched so tightly in her hands the knuckles were beginning to turn white. An oppressive silence hovered over them, the tension between them so thick it was nearly visible.

 _What's going on …?_ Sucking in a breath, a sudden feeling of apprehension caused the hair on the back of my neck and arms to stand erect. Something was obviously very wrong. _Did they get into a fight?_

Just when I was beginning to think they weren't going to speak anymore, tou-chan heaved a heavy sigh and began to talk without looking at her.

"Just say whatever it is you need to say. It won't do us any good if you keep bottling it up." He paused, and I was surprised when I noticed one corner of his lips twitch slightly upward. "Besides, I'm sure that child has already noticed something's been bothering you. She'll only worry if you keep going as you have been."

Kaa-chan stiffened visibly – but I wasn't sure if it was in response to his direct reproach or the fact that he suddenly inserted me into the conversation.

"I-" it seemed the words caught in her throat before she could go any further, and the look on her face wavered between something akin to anguish and reluctant resignation. I watched the internal battle play across her face silently, my heart aching at the sight of her hunched over figure and wanting nothing more than to run over and throw my arms around her. But I forced myself to stay still; it wouldn't be right to intrude upon their moment, no matter how much I wanted to.

"I love Urara-chan." When she managed to find her voice again, her next words were spoken so softly I nearly didn't catch them.

"But?" Tou-chan prompted just as quietly, turning in order to regard her with a carefully neutral expression. When she hesitated to reply, I suddenly found that I didn't really what to hear her response. Something in her posture told me that whatever it was she was thinking, I would find it unpleasant to hear.

"I'm afraid."

"Of Urara?"

The air caught in my throat, and for a moment I forgot to breath. My body felt simultaneously hot and cold, the anticipation caused by the ongoing conversation throwing me off-balance. I was vaguely aware that I had begun to tremble – but whether it was from my body trying to regulate its temperature or nerves, I couldn't tell.

"No! Of course not!" She rounded on him, clearly appalled by the suggestion. Tou-chan didn't so much as flinch, however; and his cool indifference seemed to cow her somewhat.

"It's ridiculous to insinuate I'm afraid of my own daughter. Absolutely ludicrous!" Hazel eyes glared heatedly into blue irises, before their intensity melted away and she was once again looking pointedly at the table. "I'm not afraid of her. I'm afraid _for_ her."

 _Afraid for me? What does that mean?_ Although I was thoroughly confused, tou-chan seemed to pick up on the reason instantly – his mouth straightening into a hard line. They once again lapsed into silence, and tou-chan turned back to his forgotten cup with a faraway expression. My exhaustion and recent nightmare had long since been forgotten, but even though I knew I should return to my room and pretend I hadn't heard this conversation – which I was painfully aware wasn't meant for my ears in the slightest – I couldn't get my feet to move. They felt heavy, as if giant weights were keeping them in place.

"Urara is a genius. There is no other word for it."

 _Genius_. I flinched at the word as if it had physically struck me. Kaa-chan didn't appear any better off after hearing it – sinking lower into her seat as if in silent protest.

"Her intelligence and perception are far beyond where they should be at her age. I was honestly surprised with how quickly she picked up Shogi. Most children need to be a few years older before they're able to even grasp the basics of the game; and yet, here she is playing it like it's the most natural thing in the world. She's able to come up with strategies on the fly, and although she's still a rough player, I've noticed that she learns from her mistakes and adapts accordingly."

He shook his head, as if disbelieving his own words.

"I never expected her to remember the rules after being told only once. Her ability to comprehend is … startling."

 _It was a test!_ That dawning realization was like a bucket of cold water to the face. _It was a test, and I passed with a score of 1000 out of 100._

"And it's not just Shogi. The way she speaks, the way she acts – it's all unnatural. No two-year-old should be able to do half the things she can. It's like she's an adult trapped in the body of a child."

And that's the thing, wasn't it? I _was_ an adult trapped in the body of a child. They couldn't possibly understand how literal those words actually were. To them, I was just a child with the unnatural ability to grasp things that should have been well beyond my understanding. This insight was unsettling, and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

"If she really is this advanced, then-" tou-chan grimaced openly, "that child must be bored out of her mind with the simple things we've been giving her to do. It wouldn't surprise me if playing Shogi was the best part of her day."

It was, in all honesty. Shogi was my remedy to insanity; a drug I hadn't even realized I needed until it had been given to me. The mental stimulation it offered was a blessing in disguise, a way to use my brain to its fullest. Although learning new things – like reading and such – helped stave off some of the boredom of day-to-day life, it wasn't especially challenging. Not like Shogi was, at any rate.

"But she's only two! How can she-" Kaa-chan cut herself off at tou-chan's stiff shrug, biting her bottom lip to hide its trembling.

"Who can say? She was born in an era where 5-year-old's are graduating the academy with higher marks than I graduated with, and then being sent straight out onto the front lines. Perhaps the founding Hokage are blessing our children with the power to turn this war in Konohagakure's favor."

Tou-chan polished off his sake before continuing.

"Whatever it is, coincidence or divine intervention, she'll definitely become an indispensable asset to the village in the future."

Kaa-chan made a face at him that said she wanted to say something but knew to hold her tongue. "What should we do, Toshi?"

He went silent – propping both elbows on the table and lacing his fingers together, his chin dipping down to rest on top of them.

"It's only a matter of time before we're forced back onto the battlefield. The situation with Iwagakure has become … desperate; and Sunagakure has begun to push against our borders. I've heard troubling rumors of Kumogakure preparing to move as well. If things continue as they are, I have a feeling we'll be forced into active duty sooner rather than later. Right now, all we can do is give Urara as many advantages as we can before we're forced to leave."

"But, Toshi, I'm sure you've noticed this as well –" something desperate had set into kaa-chan's tone as she looked imploringly at her husband, "Urara-chan … she seems adverse to the shinobi arts. She tries to hide it, but even _I've_ noticed it. She hasn't even touched her shuriken toys since taking them out of the box."

"It is troubling," he agreed, "and I don't know why she's so hesitant; but it's something she'll have to work out for herself in time. All we can do is help her along as best we can, to ensure her survival. It's unfortunate, had she been born in a time of peace she would have gotten the choice to choose her own path; but things are so dire right now, the village would never allow a possible asset to live as a civilian – especially one with her potential."

"But the Sandaime is a fair and just man. I'm sure if we were to explain Urara-chan's circumstances to him, he could think of an alternate solution."

Tou-chan shook his head in frustration.

"Hokage-sama can only do so much. It's Danzo-sama and the other elders who would be against it."

Kaa-chan let out a shaky breath, bowing her head in defeat. After a moment of silence, tou-chan let his hand fall on top of hers.

"I'll request time off for a day this weekend, and begin to introduce some Chakra exercises to her. Hopefully she'll take to them. In the meantime, I want you to –"

I walked away from the door without catching the last bit of what tou-chan was saying, feeling completely desolate. From what I gathered, I was mostly certain that I was in the midst of the Third Shinobi World War; but even this answer, which I had been desperately searching for, didn't fill me with relief.

When I slipped back into my room, I pushed the door shut numbly and crawled into bed – not even bothering to gather the blankets off the floor. My arms wrapped around the body of the teddy bear kaa-chan had gotten me for my birthday, and I buried my head under its snout as silent tears began to stream down my cheeks.

 _What should I do?_ Words and implications from the previous conversation jumped around in my mind, taunting me in their entirety and fueling my raging headache. I really had been too naïve – both in thinking I could simply choose my own path, and in thinking that I could get away with it. It was one thing to think I had a choice in the matter, and another thing entirely to realize I had absolutely no control over what would happen to me.

For the first time in my life, I fully understood the meaning behind: _A life or death situation_.

I could either willingly choose to learn how to survive in this world, or die the moment I was forced into a war-zone. Because, even if I wanted to fool myself into thinking otherwise, my parent's conversation had made one thing perfectly clear: I would not be spared a shinobi's fate.

The last thing I remember thinking before eventually succumbing to haunted dreams of blood, and death, and screaming was:

 _I'm scared._

* * *

 **A/N:** Hello everyone! I have a few quick things to say if you can manage to spare me a bit more of your time!

First, I'd like to thank everyone who Favorited, Followed, and Reviewed the first chapter. Honestly, I was surprised it got the views that it did.

Second, I feel as if the first two chapters have been rather ... narrative. In order to offset that, I've tried to write the scenes that have left the biggest impact on Urara. The story will continue in this manner for the next couple of chapters or so until Urara enrolls into the Academy (which will hopefully be soon), where it will start to show more of her day-to-day life. It's hard to write in the former manner since she's still, well, a toddler, and doesn't have anything especially interesting happening to her yet.

Third, this chapter ended up running longer than I originally anticipated - and I didn't even get to all the things I wanted to get to! There was a whole other section I wanted to write, which would have gone over how she had been managing to cope with the reincarnation. Unfortunately, I decided not to add it since it would have given the story an additional 1000+ words (it's nearly already at 7k) ... but I am planning to add it into a future chapter! So everyone who's curious about how she's coping, you'll be able to see soon.

Fourth, I have terrible grammar skills. I'm trying - really, really trying - but, even though English is my native (and only) language, it has always been my worst subject. So I ask that you please forgive the millions of errors and incorrect use of punctuation that I have no doubt is hiding in this chapter (and future chapters).

Until next Sunday! Happy reading!


	3. Learning

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor am I profiting in the making of this story.

* * *

｢ Chapter Three : Learning

" _Was" or "am"?  
What is the word for things you were and no longer are  
but always will be?_

\- Sarah Everett, Everyone We've Been ｣

* * *

I hate the night.

I hate the darkness. I hate the silence. I hate the moon, and the stars, and the dreams that come with them.

It wasn't always like that, though. Once upon a time, I used to love them. I used to love to slip into dreams full of adventure, to stare out the window and admire the moon hanging high above, to become breathless while gazing up at the vastness of the stars. The darkness used to be warm and safe, a welcomed respite from the intensity of the day.

But no longer.

Now, I am haunted in the night. Haunted by dreams, by memories, by thoughts of a bloody future and by ghosts from a severed past.

But if there's one thing I hate more than all that, it's being alone.

There's nothing worse than being left alone in the darkness of night, with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company. It can be tormenting; especially if those thoughts are things you desperately wish to forget – or at the very least, put out of your mind until you have the strength to deal with them.

I've come to rely on the light of day. Light meant that people were up and about, and _that_ meant I would be able to concentrate on things outside my mind. Demons in the form of wispy shadows couldn't touch me while the sun was out, and it gave me a slight measure of relief to be able to relax my guard – if only slightly.

I knew my nightly suffering was caused by nothing but my own weakness. I had no one but myself to blame for it. It was my mind's way of coping with the reincarnation – forcing me to acknowledge it in my dreams when I wouldn't while awake. Between needing time to come to terms with my new circumstances and the threat of an unwanted future looming over me, my way of dealing with everything had turned into simply not dealing with anything at all.

It was much easier to push everything into a cell at the back of my mind, turn the lock, and forget about it until I decided otherwise. It was unhealthy, and I was aware I was just running away from my problems, but I felt so overwhelmed. I was an unsteady tower of cards, ready to fall apart at even the slightest touch.

It didn't help that I couldn't talk to anyone – not that I would want to talk about my death even if I could; but even if I did, who would believe me? My parents? They already thought I was abnormal, even if they didn't treat me any differently than a parent would their child under normal circumstances. The Hokage? The village would deem me mentally unstable and throw me into a cell, and whatever semblance of stability I had managed to build would be completely eradicated.

No, I was alone in this world; and that truth only served to make me feel more alienated.

•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•*•.*.•

It was the morning of the Sunday after my birthday, and my head felt like it was ready to explode.

The past few days had been trying for me. On one hand, the conversation I had overheard left my mind in a jumbled mess. Even though I'd lost a great deal of sleep in my attempts at making sense of this – _sudden to me_ – development, I was no closer to a solution than I'd been at the start. In fact, I'd become so frustrated at my situation that my parents were beginning to notice – which brought me to the next factor causing me grief.

If I had lingered at the door for just a bit longer, I would have heard tou-chan tell kaa-chan to increase my workload throughout the day so that I would have less idle time. I would have been able to steel myself for the sudden onslaught of lessons the next morning _(or at least steel myself as much as I could in that aggrieved state)_ ; but I didn't, and was completely caught off-guard when kaa-chan all but glued me to my zabuton.

For five hours straight, kaa-chan went over things like simple math _(it was a bit_ _ **too**_ _simple for me)_ , some world history, Konoha's infrastructure and founding, writing skills, and had even started my kanji lessons _(which I was less than thrilled about)_. For the first time, I was truly envious of a two-year-old's short attention span; if I had convinced them that I was _'normal'_ , then there was no way she would have considered trying to get me to stay in one spot for so long – and _actually_ pay attention!

But for all my griping, however, I **was** thankful for the distraction. Being able to concentrate on something made it near difficult to torment myself with agonizing thoughts; and so, I wholeheartedly threw myself into each and every subject – which seemed to make kaa-chan both pleased and despondent.

The next few days continued in a similar manner. I would wake up exhausted, do morning stretches with kaa-chan, eat breakfast, and then jump right into lessons for a few hours before breaking for lunch. Afterwards we'd work on writing and kanji, and then she'd leave me to myself – insisting that I needed time to unwind before tou-chan came home. We'd eat dinner at 6:00 p.m., and then tou-chan and I would settle down around the kotatsu for a game of Shogi before bed. After they tucked me in and kissed me good night, I would lay awake for hours staring up at the ceiling lost in thought; before eventually falling asleep to tainted dreams, which more times than not frightened me awake numerous times throughout the night.

The strain was beginning to wear me down, and dark circles had formed under my eyes that shouldn't have been found on the face of a two-year-old. When my parents asked what was wrong, I simply told them _'nightmares'_ ; and when they asked what they were about, all I could do was lie and say _'I don't remember'_. They didn't seem to be reassured by my responses, but hadn't said anything else on the matter – choosing instead to go out of their way to make me as comfortable as I could be before bed.

It was the teddy bear kaa-chan got me that, ironically, helped me the most. Having something to wrap my arms around and cry against made me feel as if there was at least _something_ that understood how I felt, even if it was an inanimate object. I didn't dare try to talk to it aloud _(lest someone hear and consider me mad)_ , but did start mental conversations with it when I felt the need to talk to _someone_. It was strangely therapeutic in a way.

When Sunday rolled around, I was surprised to find tou-chan seated at the dining table when I stumbled in. He was wearing his casual clothes and sipping on a cup of coffee, a copy of the newspaper held open in front of his face. He didn't notice me at first, seemingly absorbed in whatever he was reading, and so I slurred out a tired greeting as I made my way over and climbed up into the chair beside him.

"Good morning, Urara. Sleep well?" I gave him a noncommittal whine and rubbed at my eyes, willing the fatigue away. I might have caught him glancing at me from the corner of my eye, but I wasn't sure, because when I turned to give him my attention he was still reading his paper with suspicious intensity.

"Where's kaa-chan? She didn't wake me up to do stretches this morning." This time he did glance down at me, his lips pulling up into a smile as he closed the paper and set it on the table.

"Kaa-san had to go out today, so it'll just be us until dinner time. Want to go do some stretches before breakfast? Or do you want to eat first?"

 _She went out?_ That was strange. Kaa-chan didn't typically go out by herself during the day, and if she did I was usually brought along – since she couldn't leave me behind in good conscience, no matter how mature I acted.

 _Well, she is an adult. If tou-chan's here to take care of me, she must want some time to herself. I completely understand that._

"You don't have to work today?"

He gave me a mock-hurt expression.

"What's this? My own daughter doesn't want to spend time with me!" Dramatically, he snatched me from my chair and crushed me to his chest; the light pout on his face betrayed by the playful mischief in his eyes. "I can't allow this. You're not old enough to be in your rebellious phase! Come on, we're going to go stretch."

I squirmed in his hold as he stood up and walked to a fairly open space behind the couch, giggling despite myself. Since it was still the middle of winter _– the first week of January as a matter of fact_ – it wasn't practical to brave the snow in order to do simple exercises outside. Well, it wasn't practical to me anyway. I'm mostly certain that my parents didn't care one way or another – they were, after all, trained shinobi. It was doubtful a little bit of snow would get in the way of their training.

He set me down gently, flashing me a boyish grin, and began to go through the simple motions I was accustomed to. I mimicked him without complaint.

We spent a good five minutes doing this before he decided to get cheeky and throw in a couple poses that were a bit difficult for me. Although the daily stretches had gone a long way to help me become comfortable in my new body, I was still supremely unbalanced thanks to my disproportioned growth rate. My head was still far too big for my shoulders, and my body – made round by baby fat – felt sluggish and uncoordinated.

And so, much to my embarrassment, tou-chan was highly amused with my failed attempts at the new poses he introduced – outright laughing when I went to turn and simply fell on my rear-end instead.

"You're terrible …" I mumbled under my breath; but by the taunting smirk sent my way, I knew he had no trouble hearing it.

After we finished warming up our bodies, we returned to the table and had a quick breakfast: rice porridge for me, and steamed rice, miso soup, and fried fish for tou-chan. Since I'd never eaten anything tou-chan prepared before, I was a bit skeptical about how it would taste at first, but was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be relatively tasty. It wasn't anywhere near kaa-chan's level, but it was tasty nonetheless.

Once we finished eating and tou-chan properly cleaned up the kitchen, he led me over to the kotatsu and had me sit facing away from the table before settling himself directly in front of me. His once playful demeanor had been replaced by a much more serious air – his expression now carefully schooled to appear coolly neutral.

It was understandably a bit disconcerting.

"Urara, do you know what Chakra is?"

 _Oh, that's right._ My shoulder's drooped slightly when I understood his intentions. _He said that he wanted to start on Chakra exercises this weekend. That's why he's home today._

"No …" It was obviously a lie, but I couldn't exactly tell him the truth. _Yes, of course I know what Chakra is. It's the energy in your body that shinobi harness to do their shinobi things._ _Not that I want to know how to use it, but I have a feeling you're not going to give me a choice._

The words sounded sardonic in my mind, and I had to force back the sigh that fought its way up my throat. If tou-chan noticed the contemptuous gleam in my eyes he didn't mention it, and continued on with his lecture.

"Chakra, in essence, is life energy. It can be found in all things; from the smallest rock to the tallest tree, and of course, in us as well. Initially, it was something that just existed – that couldn't be interacted with; but over time, humans learned to harness the Chakra that dwelled within them by mixing their body's physical energy and spiritual energy together. The end result gave them great power. They found that they could control the elements, walk on water, heal fatal injuries – things that they could only dream about before suddenly became possible. It was then that the Age of the Shinobi began."

 _Age of the Shinobi …_ Despite my earlier reluctance, I couldn't help but be drawn in by his words. I felt slightly bitter at this, but like the good daughter-student that I was, I went ahead and asked the expected follow-up question.

"What are physical and spiritual energies?" Tou-chan beamed, pleased at my initiative.

"The Chakra in our bodies is made up of two components: physical energy and spiritual energy. Physical Energy, just as the name suggests, comes from our corporeal body – taking energy from our blood, our muscles, and can be increased through training and exercise. In contrast, Spiritual Energy comes from our psyche – or in simpler terms, our mind's consciousness. This grows stronger through meditation and experience. Molding these two energies together creates _Chakra_."

I furrowed my brows in confusion. "So in order to create Chakra, you have to merge physical and spiritual energy in your body. But, tou-chan, how do you do that?"

"Practice." Came his simple answer, delivered with a secretive smile. He shifted closer to me so that our legs were barely touching and held out his left hand palm up. I hesitated a moment before cautiously placing my right hand on top of his.

Suddenly, my hand began to tingle.

The sensation was so unexpected that I was jerking away before I had a chance to even comprehend what was happening. Tou-chan apparently expected it though, and simply remained still as my mind tried to process what had happened.

"My hand- Your hand- it-" My gaze, half curious and half accusing, bounced from his outstretched hand to his face multiple times in succession before eventually settling on his hand.

 _What was that?_ I clenched and unclenched my hand slowly, the tingling sensation finally subsiding. _I don't like that feeling. It feels wrong._

"Tou-chan, what is it?" If I was actually expecting an answer from him, I would have been solely disappointed – as the only thing I was given in response was an expectant look and simple nod to his waiting hand. Reluctantly, I once again placed my hand on top of his – much more cautious and only slightly more prepared than before.

As expected, my hand began to tingle once again; but instead of it simply being across the area where my skin touched his, the sensation had begun to build up and slowly crawl down my arm. I had to suppress a shudder and the urge to jerk my hand away again – and mentally gave myself a pat on the back for being able to endure it despite how uncomfortable I was beginning to feel.

"What you're feeling now is my Chakra." The sound of tou-chan's voice momentarily tore my focus away from my arm, which I was somewhat thankful for if only for the brief distraction it allowed.

"It feels wrong. I don't like it." To make my point I quickly tore my hand away and cradled it close to my chest, gingerly rubbing the sensitive skin as if the action would coax the pin-prickling feeling to disperse faster. Tou-chan merely huffed in amusement.

"I would think so. It's not pleasant to have another person's Chakra in your body. But now that you have an initial sense of what it is, it should make it easier for you to begin to mold your own." I must have made an expression of some kind, because tou-chan gave a toothy grin and roughly messed my hair.

"Tou-chan!"

"Don't worry. Your own Chakra will feel much more natural." Pouting, I attempted to repair the damage to my hair while tou-chan proceeded with the lecture.

"Today, I want you to try and mold Chakra." He placed a hand against his abdomen. "Concentrate on molding it here. Once you're able to do it, we'll proceed to the next step. Do you have any questions?"

 _Do I really have to do this?_ My mind silently offered, but instead I decided to ask: "How do you mold it?"

 _I understand the technicalities of it, but how do I actually_ _ **do**_ _it?_ In the show, they had made it seem as simple as breathing. Although I had only watched up until Sai joined Team Seven, they hadn't really explained how they were able to actually mold their Chakra. _Or did they? I don't remember; it's been so long since I last watched it._

"As long as you're aware of what Chakra is, it will come to you naturally in time." Tou-chan spared me an encouraging smile, but all I could do in response was stare at him in an unimpressed manner. _Your wellspring of knowledge leaves me speechless, tou-chan._

"If you say so …" With a sigh, I closed my eyes and attempted to center myself. Strangely, the memory of the day that I was born _(or reborn rather)_ flitted through my mind. The memory was mostly fuzzy now; it was hard to remember any details amidst the torrent of horrified, confused emotions. The one thing I _could_ remember clearly, however, was the moment the doctor used his medical-jutsu on me.

I remembered his outstretched hand hovering above my midsection, a lime luminescent energy coating it like a bulky glove. The emitted energy felt like a physical thing pressing down on me, solid and formless all at once. It seeped through my skin like air through a window screen, flowing into my bloodstream and riding the red currents until every part of my anatomy was touched by it. And then, once there was nothing left for it to examine, the intrusive energy went even deeper.

Like a light-bulb turning on, something had opened up and bloomed to life. A tree made of light had grown inside me, its branches twisting and turning and stretching until it rooted itself so intricately inside me it would be impossible to remove. My body provided it the protection and life it needed to flourish, and in turn the tree gave my body the energy and will to survive – the continuous exchange creating a complex ecosystem for the two of us alone.

And when the foreign energy forced itself into the life-flow of my tree, like poison seeping into an open wound, I could feel the tree reject it. The doctor's energy had been resilient however, and despite the unfriendly reaction to its presence had forced its way down every branch until nothing was left untouched. When it finally retracted, I had felt violated in a way I couldn't completely understand.

That had been the first and last time I had ever been so aware of my chakra network.

Sure, I had attempted to touch it again through meditation; and while the attempts hadn't been complete failures, I could only form a hazy impression of it at the best of times. Like a silhouette shrouded by darkness, I knew the tree was there but I couldn't put it properly into focus. The light had dimmed since the time the doctor had touched it, hiding deeper inside me than before. The chakra network that had once felt so alien and out of place had dissolved into nothing more than a hazy presence; and if I hadn't been so ultra-aware of it before, I would have been tempted to believe I had made the entire thing up.

"I don't get it." With a huff, I opened my eyes and sent tou-chan an imploring stare. While I had been busy reminiscing, the young shinobi had taken to leaning back on his hands in a casual manner. I would have been inclined to believe he was truly relaxed if not for the hard-set of his jaw and the calculating gleam in his eyes.

Tou-chan's gaze was piercing, and if I didn't know any better I would have believed he could see the inner workings of my mind – I would have believed he had just witnessed my memory. Perhaps I had done something to set him off while I'd been lost in my thoughts, because the way he studied me somehow managed to put me on edge. His eyes were not the eyes of a parent watching his child, nor of a teacher assessing his student.

They were the eyes of a shinobi evaluating a potential threat.

"Tou-chan …?" My heart rate picked up, and for the first time I felt myself shrinking away from him. The change in my demeanor seemed to shake him out of whatever state of mind he'd been in. I saw the nearly unperceivable grimace twist his face before it was quickly smoothed over with a carefully controlled mask. How someone could change expressions so quickly both mystified and terrified me; and then, as if breaking out of some sort of self-imposed delusion, I realized with startling clarity that the man before me was dangerous. He was, after all, a shinobi. And he'd been a shinobi long before he'd been a father.

"Right. Let's see …" As if nothing unusual had happened, tou-chan jumped back into the conversation right where we'd left off. Unfortunately for me, I was so unsettled that I couldn't even begin to focus my mind.

 _The way he looked at me just now …_ I suppressed a shutter as the image of my father distorted into the form of a predatory wolf in my mind. _Parents aren't supposed to look at their children that way. It's not like I did anything bad. I just did what he told me to do, right?_ I chanced a glance at his face, hating the budding feeling of distrust I now felt for the man who had cared for me for the first two years of my life.

 _Although I wasn't able to mold chakra like he wanted, that surely wouldn't have warranted such a response. I doubt anyone can do it on their first try._

"Urara, concentrate." The sharp edge to his sudden command caused me to flinch.

"Sorry …" My gaze quickly dropped to the empty space between our legs on the floor, making me miss the flash of guilt that slipped through a crack in his emotional mask. He cleared his throat before moving on.

"You're thinking about it too much. Over-complicating it. You're trying to physically force yourself to mold chakra, when it should just be a subconscious action." There he paused, considered something, and then continued.

"How do you breathe?"

I looked up, confused. "What?"

"You heard me; now, answer the question." We lapsed into silence as I tried to wrap my head around this abrupt shift. Although I still felt perturbed by what happened, having something to focus on instead allowed me to push my misgivings to the back of my mind for later consideration.

 _Biology. I never did take that class in collage. Now I'm sort of regretting it …_

"Well –"

"Don't over think it. Just answer." Tou-chan was quick to cut me off, effectively derailing my train of thought.

"Uhm … I don't know. You just do?"

Tou-chan beamed. "Exactly!" Seeing the puzzled look I no doubt was sending his way, I was only somewhat relieved he decided to elaborate.

"When we breath, although we physically have some form of control over it, it's something our body does naturally without conscious thought. Do you understand?" Tou-chan waited for me to nod before continuing. "Molding chakra follows the same basic principle. Although we have some measure of control over it, it's something that the body does more or less by itself."

"So, molding chakra is just like breathing then?" Tou-chan chuckled at my incredulous tone.

"Once you get the hang of it, then yes; it'll become second nature to you, just like breathing."

 _Maybe I'm more stupid than I thought. This makes absolutely no sense to me._ I sighed. I was completely stumped. _The last time my brain died on me like this was when dad tried to teach me politics._

"Okay then, time for change of tactics." Moving himself back into a proper sitting position, he braced his hands on his knees and leaned forward slightly.

"Imagine you have a ball inside your stomach." I gave him a look at roughly translated to _'what the fuck are you even talking about.'_ Of course, tou-chan didn't deem it necessary to acknowledge and kept going.

"At the top of the ball, there is a hole. The hole isn't big, but it is wide enough you can pour water into it without it spilling over. Now, imagine you have two cups of water. You take these cups and carefully pour it into the ball until the inside is completely filled. Although the water came from two separate places – let's say, the river and the kitchen sink – they merge together inside the ball seamlessly."

There was a pause, and I considered what had been said before opening my mouth to speak.

"Tou-chan, I have to be honest. I'm not following in the slightest."

He sighed, clearly exasperated.

"Think, Urara. In relation to molding chakra, what do the ball and the two glasses of water represent?"

 _Ugh! I've always hated things like this. It's like those stupid equations we had in math class._ _ **'If x = -2 5/8 then solve for the value of y'**_ _… I guess I should count myself lucky that math was always my best subject._

A groan fell from my lips before I could stop it, but I did as I was asked and thought about the relationship between two things that were completely unrelated to each other.

"I guess … the two glasses of water are supposed to be physical and spiritual energy." It came out more as a question than a statement, and he nodded to confirm I was on the right path. "And then, pouring them into the empty ball represents the process of molding chakra. But, I don't really know what the ball itself is supposed to be …"

"The ball represents control and purpose." Tou-chan started, "You're controlling the space in which physical and spiritual energies are coming together, and the purpose of them coming together is to mold chakra. Basically, it's your intent. Although chakra itself is shapeless, when trying to mold it for the first time it helps to give it a boundary of sorts – a specific shape it form into – until you're familiar with the process and can do it without even thinking about it."

 _I guess that makes some sense. I understand the water portion of it at least._

"Urara," a soft smile had formed on tou-chan's face, "molding chakra, and manipulating it by extension, only needs about 50% technical understanding. The other 50% needed is simply imagination."

He must have read the confusion in my eyes _(what was I, an open book or something?)_ because before I could get a word in edge-wise he had already opened his mouth again.

"Why do you think you're having such a hard time understanding this?" My only answer was a weak shrug. "It's because you're trying to rationalize everything; you're trying to make something that can't be explained conform to rules you've created. Honestly, I don't understand how or why you're doing this."

He shook his head, and I couldn't tell whether he was just exasperated or completely baffled.

"You need to keep an open mind. If you do that, then I have no doubt that you'll succeed." Reaching out, he ruffled my hair in that annoying way of his. "Honestly, most two-year-old's have no problem imagining impossible things; and yet here's my daughter, trying to understand one of the most complex things in the world in such a scientific way. Tell me, are you really a kid? Or are you some little adult in disguise?"

Although I knew he meant it as a joke, I couldn't stop myself from stiffening at the implication. _If only you knew …_

"Don't be silly, tou-chan," I grimaced at the shakiness of my voice, "of course I'm a kid. You were there when I was born; and that was only two years and a week ago."

He looked momentarily surprised. "What –?"

"Anyway, I just have to imagine pouring two glasses of water into a ball in my stomach, right?" Tou-chan looked like he wanted to say something, but shook himself instead.

"Yes. That's right."

"Okay. I can do that." Standing up, I brushed imaginary dust off myself. "Can I go try it in my room? It's easier for me to concentrate there."

"Ah, sure …" With a tight nod, I made my way across the room to the hallway. Before I could step out, however, tou-chan's voice called out to me.

"Urara! You may not be able to do it at first, so don't get frustrated. Take your time, and it'll come naturally. And remember, just ask if you need anything. I'll be here or in the study."

"Okay. Thanks, tou-chan."

And with that, I slipped into the hall and all but ran back to my room – locking the door behind me.

* * *

 **A/N** : Okayyyyy so this took forever to get out. Sorry? To be honest, I had half of this chapter written since the last chapter came out, but I didn't like where it was going and kind of just ... left it for a while. A long while. Oops? Also, I had trouble explaining Chakra ... no matter how much research I did, I couldn't really find the answers I was looking for. So that kind of put me off for a bit. But then, I was like, why do I even care? It's a fanfiction! Make something up! So that's what I did, but I hope I kept it pretty believable. If not, oops (again)!

This chapter was pretty short too ... not even 5k words? I wanted to write more, add another scene or two, but I felt like it left off at a pretty good point. We won't know if Urara managed to get the hang of chakra molding until the next chapter! Also, sorry if Urara seemed really ... slow to understand, I guess? I just figured, if someone from the 21st century really was reborn into the Naruto-verse, and was attempting to learn how to mold chakra, I highly doubt they would be able to understand the concept right off the bat - no matter how well informed about Naruto they were. Molding chakra just doesn't exist in RL, it's just a fictional thing, so trying to make something fictional into a real thing has got to be confusing - so it's no wonder she's so close-minded to the whole thing. She's still stuck in the mindset of a 21st century woman.

Hopefully I got my point across in that spiel and it wasn't too confusing ...

Also, we have our first mystery! What happened to make Urara's tou-chan react like he did? A shinobi evaluating a potential threat. That, unfortunately, won't be discovered for a long while. And, just to clear up some confusion, the reason I'm pushing saying tou-chan instead of dad is because of distinction. When Urara says/thinks the word dad, it means she's referring to her father from her previous life; where as tou-chan is for her father of her current life. Makes sense? Hopefully!

Anyway, thanks to every who has Favorited/followed/reviewed this story! Sorry it's taken so long to update. My inspiration has returned so hopefully the next chapter is released in a timely manner. Love you all!


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